Even if she goes to the length of filing for a protective order, having the court remove you from the home allows far more room to argue that despite all your efforts toward maintaining the family routine, you were forced to leave. By leaving the home voluntarily, you show the court that staying close to your kids for daily interactions is not that big of a deal to you. Even if you were the greatest dad in the world, it sends a contradictory message when you pack your own bags and leave.
Presenting the court confirmation of your positive involvement and influence in your children's lives is the best way to receive a reasonable custody decision. Freely moving out and only seeing your children occasionally does not foster credibility that keeping close to your children is your top priority. Moving out of the marital home establishes a new status quo that could potentially be transitioned into temporary court orders while the divorce is pending, and then end up in the final decree if the current arrangement appears to be working in the eyes of the court.
You could be stuck paying far more in child support, but worst of all, receive far less time with your children than you truly deserve -- all because you foolishly left the marital home.
While moving out is tremendously detrimental when you have children, it can also negatively impact childless marriages as well. If you are the primary earner for the household and you decide to find your own apartment while the divorce is pending, there is a chance you could be required by the court to continue paying for your wife's living expenses as well.
Some states can authorize a "status quo order," meaning if you had previously paid for the mortgage, bills, groceries, car payments, etc. Not to mention if your spouse has a lower paying job, you may also be required to pay her temporary spousal support so she can afford the lifestyle to which she is accustomed.
Not only can this be financially crippling while you are going through a divorce, but it sets up a standard the courts can use when it comes to the decree. If you could afford to support your wife like you had for the months -- or even years -- it took for the divorce to be finalized, there is no reason for the court to believe you cannot continue to do so after the divorce is over.
Additionally, when you leave on short notice, most men do not think to grab copies of all their important financial records. Mat Camp is a former Lexicon Services Online Editor, who focused on providing a comprehensive look into all aspects of the divorce experience. On MensDivorce. Cordell in Divorce A Guide for Men.
Camp used thorough research to highlight the challenging reality that those who go through divorce or child custody issues face. Moving out before a divorce is finalized can cause major financial problems, particularly if children are involved. Learn More. Mat Camp. Related Articles. Need a lawyer? Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. Move back into the home without giving your wife any notice. The safest way to do this is to move back when you know she is out of the house, so that there is no chance for her to prevent you from moving back.
Yes, this is inconsiderate of your wife. Yes, she will probably protest and make a fuss. Yes, you will probably get an extra cold shoulder for at least a few days. As long as you can get back in the home peacefully, you should be good to stay. You can point out that it is HER that has the problem living with you, not the other way around. You must be sure of your decision to return home so that you can stand your ground if she tries to unlawfully kick you back out. The worst case scenario is usually that she makes up accusations of domestic abuse.
Even in the best case scenario, she will probably try to convince you to move back out. Obviously, as I already said like times, get legal counsel if at all possible before doing anything. If you really want to play it safe, talk to your local law enforcement too. Call the police station, explain your situation and ask what your options are.
Okay, this has been a very thorough, very long two-part series about the decision to move out. What should you do with all this information? First, take a moment to think through the reasons that you're moving out. Have you reviewed the risks of moving out? Complete the pre-move out checklist, and of course I recommend you talk to a lawyer before you actually move out.
If you decide you want to move back into the marital home, plan the best way to do so. We came into this post with a simple question — should you move out to give your wife space? I did not expect to write 7, words on this topic, but my hope is that this resource will help you clarify your options and make the most of what choices you have.
I'm Stephen, the guy behind Husband Help Haven. I'm not a marriage counselor or a lawyer, I'm just a guy on the Internet who has talked to a loooooot of men going through separation Over 2, in the past 5 years. My goal is to give men the tools they need to save their marriage from separation. Read more here. As soon as it gets cold, my wife gets unhappy. This has occurred 3 times in our marriage when she says she wants out. I walk on eggshells and work to each day make her happy so she can better cope with the cold, her lack of being able to keep a job, weight, etc … On NYE we had a good time but definitely too much alcohol.
I remember all the details except the one where she says I grabbed her and pushed her in our bedroom. I remember her screaming at me but not the one incident she describes. This has been a recurring thread as there are many times where she blows up at me for some transgression then gets madder at me when I am confused as to what she is talking about.
So now it has been 7 days of silence. She stays locked in our bedroom and I sleep in the den. There have been a few brief exchanges but mainly I am to blame for everything and she seems to be moving towards divorce. She has been down this same road before, even looking at apartments, but never has the silent treatment gone on this long.
She just left the house and came through the room I was in … no eye contact and no words. I placed lunch and breakfast outside her door on two separate occasions. Not as a bribe but I care about the fact that when she does not eat well, her body chemistry becomes crazy. Yes I love her. The emotional stress is huge. I just found this site and the words all reinforce what I am feeling.
I am scared for her as the life she is looking to go into offers her no future and that makes me sad. It is true but hard that it is her call to decide what future we have together. For me, if she does come back, counseling is the only way for us to move forward.
Stephen et. Counseling is an excellent tool for those with the humility to hear and use it. I hope your wife warms up to you again and gives herself the chance to overcome this recurring issue.
Stay strong friend, you may be in for a a long winding journey here. Thanks Stephen. An update … A week ago she moved out while I was at work. Still no contact except to receive the divorce papers.
She suffers from depression and the more I read about Depression leading to Divorce, the more I can see the same pattern that I have been living with. My wife is alone except for her FB contacts. She has not reached out to anyone. I am scared and sorry for her. I know this is the depression talking but I also know there is not a darn thing I can do about it. I have invested a lot in this relationship to help and accept her mental state.
As a person, the thought of divorcing her and knowing that things will not get better for her, tears me up inside. I know my stress has decreased and that there happier times ahead … I just hurt knowing that someone I love is beyond my help. You are definitely not alone here. My wife sort of does the same thing yours does. Literally, I am being threatened with ending a marriage I am truly happy in because she is worried that MAYBE, one day, she might hate me because of whatever.
I tell her to talk to me about it, but she bottles it up. We are literally days from our 15th anniversary now, and it is happening again. She claims to have a long list of past transgressions that she has in her head that she cannot get over.
Most are either her creating meaning where there was none for me in some action I did, or a misunderstanding. There is one or two where I am definitely at fault I was quite a drinker when we met, clean and sober now for 13 years, but our wedding night was not as passionate as I wish it had been because I drank and passed out, and she is still holding onto that. Honestly, there is nothing more soul shattering than hearing the woman you love and adore say something that seems so cruel, but at least she is being open I guess.
When it appeared it was time to actually move on this time, I made arrangements to move out. I will likely stay now that I have found this, but I was just planning on getting out of there.
The last thing I need to see is the woman I still love getting happier without me. But we have 4 kids, and their lives are already going to be turned upside down over this. So for them, I am going to stay. Anyway, I finally had to sit her down and tell her what the reality of what she was saying meant.
She was going to end a nearly 15 year marriage and upturn the lives of four children who love us both very much. She was likely going to lose our son, our oldest, because he is already growing much more towards me and away from her, and I would wager he is definitely coming with me, and as a child of divorce myself, I wager he will blame her much like I blamed my mother.
She was going to need to pack up our beautiful home that we rent because neither one of us can afford it alone, and I did not intend to continue to pay bills so she could live there and I could couch surf with friends or live in my car. I assured her this was not some sitcom she is currently watching some tripe on ABC where the couple lives in the same house and interacts like best friends where we were going to co-parent like besties. That I would have a hard time even being around her because I was still very much in love with her, and being around her would be too painful.
I told her that honestly, if the point of this was to keep us from hating or resenting one another that it would in fact likely drive me to feel like that towards here in the end because she refused to actually work on it.
Apparently, that talk worked. Sort of. She told me she would try again, but that she wanted time with friends and the like, something I never once told her she was not allowed to have which I found odd. I told her of course, but as long as the kids and I still got the bulk of her time.
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